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How to Play Cricket?
Some people find the game of cricket difficult
to understand.
Perhaps the following will help:
The game is played by two groups.
The first group is in and the second group
goes out.
Some of the group which is in, go out.
The group that is out, tries to get the group
that is in, out.
When one of the group that is in, is out, he
goes in and the next one goes out.
Then when all of the first group (except one)
that is in, is out, the second group that is out goes in.
The first group now goes out and tries to get
the second group, who now are in, out.
Only when both groups have been in and out
twice is there a conclusion.
This is how the game called Cricket is played!
God Will Save Me...
There came a big flood, and the water around
Phola's house was rising steadily..
Phola was standing on the porch, watching water rising all around him, when a
man in a boat came along and called to Phola, "Get in the boat and I'll get
you out of here. Phola replied, "No thanks, God will save me."
Phola went into the house, and the water was starting to pour in. So, he went up
to the second floor.
As he looked out, another man in a boat came along, and he called to Phola,
"Get in the boat and I'll get you out of here."
Again, Phola replied, "No thanks. God will save me."
The water kept rising. So, Phola got out onto the roof.
A helicopter flew over, and the pilot called down to Phola, "I'll drop you
a rope,grab onto it, and I'll get you out of here."
Again Phola replied, "No thanks. God will save me."
The water rose and rose, and soon nearly covered the whole house. Phola fell in,
and drowned.
When he arrived in Heaven, he saw God, and asked Him, "Why didn't you save
me from that terrible flood? Did I not show you my faith?"
With a loving but irritated tone God replied, "What more would you have me
do? I sent people in two boats and a helicopter?"
Changu and his essay problem!
Once Chhangu was upset.
Mangu asked him the reason why he was so sad.
Chhangu explained that he has to remember so many essays for the class work and
if he does not remeber then the teacher scolded him every time.
Mangu thought for quite some time and explained to him that it was very easy,
for example he has to memorize essays of persons he should memorze only one,
with change of name and other minor changes he will be able to narrate essay of
every person.
It looked very convincing to Chhangu and he memorized the essay "My Best
Friend".
Next day the teacher asked him to narrate the essay " My Father".
Chhangu was very happy that now he could do it easily. He started," I have
many fathers but Ramu is my best father. He lives in the next lane to us. He
visits our house very often. My mother also loves him a lot and is proud that I
have Ramu as my real father."
Crossing the River
OnceBakhshoo is out for a walk. He comes
to a river and sees Pholaji on the opposite bank.
"Yoohoo" He shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
Pholaji looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, "You are
on the other side."
****
Spying Phola
Herolal has to leave the city on business and
he entrusts with his best friend, Phola, the job of keeping an eye on his wife.
If anything out of the ordinary should occur, he was to be notified immediately.
After about a week of no newsBakhshoo received a telegram: "The man
who comes to visit your wife every night didn't show up yesterday..."
****
Stranded on an Island
Three men were stranded on an uninhabited
island. The only way back home was to swim 100 miles to the next island,
which was inhabited.
Herolal was so determined to get home that he tried to swim. He made it 50
miles, got tired, and drowned.
Then Pyarelal tried. He made it 75 miles, but got tired and drowned, too.
Phola thought he could make it all the way, so he started swimming. He
swam 50 miles, but started getting tired, so he swam all the way back to the
island.
****
Once Chhangu returned home late from a booze
party. He was little over. He put his one hand on wall and tried to
put key in the hole with his other hand to open the lock but the key missed the
hole. He tried it so many times but every time the key missed the hole.
Mangu was observing this for a while, so he came forward to help
Mangu- Can I help you put the key in hole.
Chhangu- No I shall manage the key, You just hold the wall because it is shaking
too much.
****
A Passenger once asked the railway officer,
"Why do u keep the time-table for trains if they don't come on time?"
The railway officer replied, "How can we know that they're late!!!"
Phola
declares War!!!
One afternoon, Bill Clinton was sitting in his
office when his telephone rang.
"Hello Mr. Clinton," a heavily accented voice says. "This is Pholaji. I am ringing to inform you that I am officially declaring war on
you!"
Well, Pholaji," Bill replies, "This indeed is important news! Tell me,
how big is your army?"
At this moment in time," says Pholaji after a moments calculation,
"There is myself, my cousinBakhshoo, my next door neighbour Pyarelal and
the entire Kabbadi team from the Village. That makes 8!"
Bill sighs and says, "I must tell you Pholaji that I have 1 million men in
my army waiting to move on my word"
OK," says Pholaji. "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, the next day Pholaji calls back.
"Right Mr. Clinton, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some
equipment!"
"What equipment would that be, Pholaji?" Bill asks.
Well, we have 2 combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Chacha's tractor from the
farm"
Once more Bill sighs and says, "I must tell you Pholaji that I have 50,000
tanks, 2000 mine layers, 10,000 armored cars and my army has increased to 1 and
a half million since we last spoke"
"I'll be dogged!" says Pholaji. "I'll have to ring you
back!"
Sure enough, Pholaji calls again the next day.
"Right Mr. Clinton, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves
airborne! We've gotten out old Govind's crop sprayer with a couple of rifles in
the cockpit and the Hockey team has joined us as well!"
Once more Bill sighs and says "I must tell you Pholaji that I have 4000
bombers and 8000 high maneuverability attack planes and my military
installations are surrounded by laser guided surface to air missiles and since
we last spoke, my army has increased to 2 million."
"Oh cripes," says Pholaji. "I'll have to ring you back"
Sure enough, Pholaji calls again the next day.
"Right Mr. Clinton, I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the
war"
"I'm very sorry to hear that," says Bill. "Why the sudden change
of heart?"
"Well," says Pholaji, "We've all had a chat and t'be sure,
there's no way we can cope with 2 million prisoners of war"
Venue : International conference of Medical
Sciences
Three scientists, an American, a
German, and an Pkistanin, were talking and bragging about the technological
advances their respective countries have achieved in the field of medicine.
The American said "In Washington, there
was a baby boy born without arms so we attached artificial arms on him.
And now that he's grown up and became an Olympic professional boxer and a gold
medalist !"
The German replied, "That's nothing to
what we have achieved. Back in Berlin, there was a baby girl born without
legs so we attached a pair of artificial legs on her. Now she is a
three-time Olympics marathon gold medalist !"
The Pkistanin interjected " Is that all you
have achieved , just gold medalists? In Lahore r we had a baby boy
born without a HEAD ! We attached a COCONUT and called him Bakhshoo and he has
grown up and now he is the Chief Minister of Lahore !"
Pholaji the English Teacher (Please
skip this if you don't understand Hindi Language)
Pholaji is the english teacher in a school.
He is very well renowned for all his students do very well in exams. The
school is having an inspection and the inspector decided to visit the english
class.This is what transpires :
Pholaji : "Bolo bachon GADHA"
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA "
Pholaji : "Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE
PECHE GADHA"
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA"
Pholaji : "Bolo bachon GADHA ,
GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MEIN"
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE MEIN"
Pholaji : "Bolo bachon GADHA ,
GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MEIN, MERE PECHE SAARA DESH"
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE MAI
AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH"
By this time the inspector is furious.
He confronts the principal and shouts at him "What is this Pholaji teaching
his students. He is supposed to be taking an english class and what he is
saying is GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA
DESH.
The principal too is shocked, the famous english teacher doing this.
Principal : "Pholaji what nonsense are you telling these students "GADHA,
GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH".
Pholaji : "Yes i was telling all this in class, but i was only
teaching the students the spelling of ASSASSINATION. ASS - ASS - I -
NATION (GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA
DESH)
More Phola Jokes
Herolal and Phola are building a house. Bakhshoo
is putting on the siding. He picks up a nail, hammers it in.
Picks up another nail, throws it away. Picks up a nail, hammers it in.
Picks up another, throws it away. This goes on for a while, and finally
his friend Phola comes over and asks him why he is throwing half of the nails
away.
He replies, "Those ones were pointed on the wrong end."
Phola gets exasperated and says "You idiot, those are for the other side of
the house!"
*************
A policeman pulled Phola over after he had
been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Phola: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people
were leaving.
*************
Phola andBakhshoo decide to have a reunion.
SoBakhshoo decides to visit Phola, who is living in a big city.
ButBakhshoo gets lost and calls his friend Phola,
"Hey, I am coming over but I am lost and have no idea where I am."
Phola replies, "It's okay, just look at the street intersection, there will
be two signs, read them to me."
Bakhshoo looks over and then says, "Okay, okay, I see them, one says 'Walk',
the other one says 'Do not walk'."
"Oh good, you are right down the street. I'll be over to pick you
up."
*************
Herolal is driving with Phola as his
passenger, when he decides to pull over because he suspects that his turn signal
may not be working.
He asks Phola if he doesn't mind stepping out of the car to check the lights
while he tests them. Phola steps out and stands in front of the car.
Herolal turns on the turn signal and asks, "Is it working?"
To which Phola responds, "Yes, it's working....No, it's not working....Yes,
it's working....No, it's not working...."
*************
Phola went to a carpenter and said, "Can
you build me a box that is two inches high, two inches wide, and fifty feet
long?"
"Hmm..." mused the carpenter. "It could be done, I suppose, but
what would you want a box like that for?"
"Well, you see," said Phola, "my neighbor moved away and forgot
some things, so he asked me to send him his garden hose."
*************
Phola was jumped by two muggers/thieves and
fought like hell, but was finally subdued.
His attackers then proceeded to go through his pockets.
"You mean you fought like that for 57 paise?" asked one of the muggers
increduously.
"Is that all you wanted?" moaned Phola. "I thought you were after
the Rs.400 in my shoe!"
Desi jokes by Dr. Tirath Garg
Once a man was shot dead by someone. The
culprit was arrested and produced in a court for trial. Chhangu happened
to be at the site of murder and was to appear as an eye witness and Mangu
appeared as the lawyer.
Judge- Chhangu, were you there when the murder took place?
Chhangu- Yes me Lord I was there and have seen everything.
Judge- Can you tell me the distance from where culprit fired at the victim, I
mean distance between the two?
Chhangu- Of course sir. The distance was twelve feet and six and a half inches.
Everybody was surprised in the court that how Chhangu has told the exact
distance, Mangu could not control himself and asked.
Mangu- How have you told the exact distance?
Chhangu- Very simple, I knew that some Ullu tha patha will ask this foolish
question so I took a tape and measured the distance.
**********
Once an inspector came to the school for
inspection. He went to Chhangu's class. He asked many questions to the
students to assess the teaching perfomance of class teacher. Students were
very intelligent and gave prompt and right answers. The inspector was bit
annoyed because he wanted to give at least one bad entry on the teacher.
Then he declared that it was the last question and if any one of you gives right
answer then i shall give excellent report.
Inspector- What is my age?
Everybody was surprised and puzzled at the question but Chhangu raised his hand.
Both teacher and inspector were surprised.
Inspector- O.K. you tell.
Chhangu- Sir, it is 33 years.
The inspector was shocked because it was correct.
Inspector- Tell me how have you calculated my age exactly?
Chhangu- sir very simple. My friend Mangu is sixteen and a half years and
he is half mad.
**********
Once Chhangu returned home late from a booze
party. He was little over. He put his one hand on wall and tried to
put key in the holewith his other hand to open the lock but the key missed the
hole. He tried it so many times but every time the key missed the hole.
Mangu was observing this for a while, so he
came forward to help
Mangu- Can I help you put the key in hole.
Chhangu- No I shall manage the key, You just hold the wall because it is shaking
too much.
Top
Phola
at the "Umer Sharif Show"
show!!!
Phola goes to
Umer Sharif Show show.
Umer Sharifasks him, "Pholaji aap kiske saath yahan aaye hai?"
Phola : " Pitaaji ke saath".
Amitabh : "Aap ke pitaaji ka shubhnaam?"
Phola : "Hmm.... yes."
Amitabh : "Amm.... kya naam hai aapke pitaji ka?"
Phola : "Hmm... OK."
Amitabh : "Are Pholaji, main aapse aapke pitaji ka naam poochh raha hoon"
Phola : "Pehle mujhe chaar options to do ! ! !"
Guts!
In a ship the Generals of three nations were
traveling with their soldiers. They started the topic that whose soldier had
more of guts.
The American general called for one of his men
and told him to jump down the ship and take a round swimming around the moving
ship.The soldier did as he was commanded and the general boasted of by saying
"See the guts !".
Now the German general called out for one of
his men and asked him to take two similar rounds.the soldier did as he was
told.when he came back from the water the German said "See the guts ".
Now the Pkistanin General called out for his most
courageous man and asked him to take five similar rounds. The soldier
promptly replied, "Am I your dad's servant?".
At this the general proudly said "See the guts".
Phola
facing Malcom Marshall
Pholaji is selected to play for the Pkistanin cricket team as an opening batsman. He opens the batting against West
Indies. He is asked to face the very first over (with one Sunil Gavaskar
as the non-striker!) from Marshall who is bowling at his fiercest...
First ball : Whizzes past Pholaji's off-stump.
Pholaji doesn't move an inch. Ball goes to wicket-keeper.
Second ball : Goes right over the Pholaji's
bat and just over the middle stump, somehow missing both the bat and the stumps.
Pholaji is again unmoved.
Third ball : Is a bouncer. Almost
decapitates the Pholaji, missing his head by a fraction of an inch. Ball
goes to wicket-keeper. Pholaji doesn't move a muscle.
Fourth ball : Outside the leg-stump. Pholaji again doesn't move, and the ball shoots past him to the wicket-keeper.
But this time, the umpire shouts "No Ball!"
Pholaji walks upto the umpire and tells him,
"So you discovered it now? You see, I know from the very beginning that the
guy has no ball in his hand!"
Noble Prize
Bakhshoo is driving down the Lahore highway, when he spots
Phola standing in the middle of a huge field of grass.
He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that Phola is just
standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.
Bakhshoo gets out of the car, walks all the way
out to Phola and asks him, "Excuse me, what are you doing?"
Phola replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel
Prize."
"How?" asksBakhshoo, puzzled.
"Well I heard they give the Noble Prize
to people who are out standing in their field."
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